The Trustbuster

As he sat in the bath, not actually taking a bath, he realized the tub was a bit too small to fit his above average frame.  He tried to squeeze into its green corners but was unable to find a comfortable position.  “Oh well, I don’t even like baths that much anyway,” he muttered, trying to stay positive, a habit he found exceedingly annoying.   The tub was deep, however.  Then it struck him.  When the bomb went off, he and she (his lady-friend) could fit within the confines of the thing with a little squeezing.  She would have to lay underneath, perhaps on top of some pillows to ease her back.  He could lay on top covered by thick blankets, always the hero, demanding to be her buffer zone against whatever might be blown their way in the blast.  It would be tight, but they could manage.  Perhaps this would be the perfect excuse to buy that body armor he had been coveting.   Yes, this could work!  This could be a makeshift bomb-shelter in a pinch, if needed.  One must always plan for these things.   But when he mentioned it to her, his excitement wained when it met her sobering comment.  “Well, I’ll be sure to keep that in mind when I receive the notice of the impending explosion.”  He was just trying to ensure that he could keep them alive well into the aftermath…but what then?

As he walked down the street he casually peered through peoples’ windows, craning his neck.  “I hope I see someone watching porn,” he muttered to himself.  “Better yet, I hope I see some people having real sex, that would be tops.”  He said these things to himself.  He was always on the lookout for people coming down the street.  He did not want to be noticed peeping in the night.  When someone came he would look around, mock bird watching.  Or, he would pull out his phone and pretend to text people he would rather not talk to at the moment.  “Nothing must blow my cover.”  He was too busy.   Then he thought, “What if someone can hear my thoughts?  Well then I will pretend not to be psychic.  But, if they are psychic then they will surely know that I am psychic.   How does being psychic work?”